A Battle Worth Fighting

As many people say, I have to decide which battles are worth fighting and which ones I need to walk away from. This year, I've been having trouble with the school nurse. I know I am incredibly lucky to even have a school nurse, and even more lucky to have one that likes her job and cares about us kids.

It's nothing against her personally, but I don't feel, especially after my last endo appointment going so well, that I need to see her every single day. Before now, I've been going to her everyday after lunch to tell her my blood sugar, how many carbs I ate, and how much insulin I gave. I mean, really? I'm 16. I'm in great control. I have had 1 low this whole school year and no highs.

Now, yes, it only took a few minutes out of my day, but try to see it from my perspective. I'm late to the same class everyday, and get weird looks from my classmates everyday. I'm just tired of it. Earlier in the year I had other problems with the school nurse, but those were resolved rather quickly.

So I went to my endo a couple weeks ago and brought up this subject. Her reply? "You STILL go to the nurse EVERY day?!" Yep, yep I do. She was shocked. She said something I've been saying for months, "What, is she going to go to college with you too?" SHE GETS IT. (Now would be a good time to say, I LOVE my doctor!) She wrote me a letter, printed out some info form the ADA website, and basically told me it's my right to put in my 504 plan that I don't have to see the school nurse everyday. Music to my ears.

Her nurse emailed me the school forms, my mom signed them, and because I'm afraid of confrontation and of hurting people's feelings, I had my mom take them into the nurse at the end of the school day today. I got a text from my mom saying "Come to the nurse before you leave." I was thinking, ohhhh no. But when I got there, all she had to say was that I had to come to her if I was under 70 or so high that I was feeling sick. Okay, I can handle that!

Later, I found out the nurse was, in fact, not very happy when my mom first came in to talk to her. She had to call her supervisor, who wasn't happy either, to see what to do. In the end, since I had a note from my doctor, they couldn't really do anything. My mom said that the nurse said over and over again "I just get nervous..." To which my mom responded, "Me too, but she has to grow up sometime."

To me, this was a battle worth fighting. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but to me, it was huge. To any D-parents out there, be warned, once your kids get a little older, they will want their freedom. And you should fight for it for them. They need to spread their wings and fly, and that's okay. How else will we learn?

Slipping

If you haven't read this post, you should do that before reading this.

Sadly, that post, all of the things I described in that post are becoming my reality again. 

I'm finding myself skipping my insulin on purpose. 

I'm finding myself hurting myself on purpose to feel better about things. 

I'm finding my mom drinking. 

I'm finding my grades slipping. 

I'm finding my stress level going through the roof. 

I'm finding my depression level going up. 

The hardest part about all this is that I thought it was over. I thought the years of pain and suffering were over. Will it ever be over?

For now, this is my reality. I'm writing this post because I think it's fair that I share with the DOC what's been up with me lately. 

I'm trying as hard as I can. I'm doing the best I can. It's the best I can do with all these things going on in my life. 

Putting on a happy face gets harder and harder each day.

I need to get back on track. I did it once, I can do it again. 

I will try. Just hang in there with me a little longer. 

Falling Apart

As many of you know, I went on a trip to Utah this past week. It was awesome! Security at the airport wasn't too bad. I'll write more about my trip later. Right now, I'm just writing this because I've been a little absent in the DOC. I'm sad about it. 

I've been sick for the past three weeks. I went on vacation. I have been SO BUSY with school this year. I joined the mock trial team at my school. I got my first C on my report card last week. I got accepted into National Honors Society at school. I was nominated for two scholarships last week for having 600+ hours of volunteer work. My room needs to be cleaned. I need to go shopping for dress clothes. I still need to unpack from my trip. My phone has been broken.

Needless to say, my life is a little complicated and stressful for the past couple weeks. I have so much on my mind. I have barely paid attention to diabetes, and when I have, it's been because I'm disappointed in myself because of what my numbers are. I have a endo appointment on November 20th that I am SO not looking forward to. 

On top of all these things, I've been going through personal and family problems for the past couple weeks. I'm hoping and praying that everything is going to be okay. It has to be okay. 

My life is just falling apart a little right now.

So, friends, I'll be back soon. After my life calms down and I put all the pieces back together, I'll be back. Just know that even if I'm not present all the time, I'm always thinking about you all and I (try) to read your blog posts and tweets. 

For now, thoughts and prayers are appreciated. <3

Shopping Experience Gone Bad

All five of my siblings were home this weekend so help my twin brother and I celebrate our 16th birthday, which is Monday.
Saturday we had birthday dinner, and opened presents.
Sunday was supposed to be a fun day. I woke up with a blood sugar of 180, but understandably so, considering I ate ice cream cake before bed. We were supposed to carve pumpkins, and go shopping. When we woke up, my sister, her boyfriend, my mom, and I decided we were going to go to the store nobody else wanted to go to, and then everyone else was gonna meet us at the next store. My blood sugar was a little high before we left so I gave insulin. Once we got to the store, we were walking around for a while and my dexcom said I was 70. We were supposed to be leaving soon so I figured I would wait until I got to the car to check and test. I told everyone I was with that we needed to go soon because I was going to be low. They looked around for a while, and I was getting more and more annoyed and I wasn't very good at hiding it. By the time we finally left, I felt like I couldn't even walk. My dexcom now read LOW (below 40) I checked and my blood sugar was 30. UH OH. I ate a whole thing of mini oreos and a PB Snickers because that's all I had with me. We were going to the next store and on the way there I was sweating and could barely keep my eyes open. The only reason I wanted to go there was to look for a carry-on bag for my upcoming trip. My mom and I decided we would go in, look for one and then she would take me home and let my sister and her boyfriend ride home with my other family members that were meeting us there. We went in, found a carry-on, and two (matching) sweaters and some candy bars. We paid and my mom gave me the keys to go to the car while she gave my sister her card to use. As I sat in the car, I decided to eat a candy bar. Right after I did, I felt insanely sick. I closed my eyes and went to sleep. We stopped on the way home to pick up the pizza we were having for lunch. I remember being so out of it and feeling so sick that I could barely even talk to my mom when she tried to talk to me. When we got home, I went straight to the living room where my brothers were and laid down. They, along with my mom, were obviously worried about me. I'm sure I was pale and sweaty. I told them I was fine and went to sleep. I vaguely remember my mom asking me if I was okay and if I wanted pizza. When I woke up, my brothers were still playing video games, and I think only 20 minutes passed. I ask my brother to get me a piece of pizza and he said no and asked why I was sleeping. I told him my blood sugar was low and now it's high or something like that. Then my older brother said "JUST GET HER A PIECE OF PIZZA".  And so he did.
After a few more minutes of recovering, I asked where my mom was. Apparently she told me she went to the market but I don't remember that at all. I finally got up but I still had a killer headache. I took some medicine and started to feel better. My mom told me she was really worried about me for a while and considered getting out the glucagon. I'm glad she didn't because my blood sugar was actually high by then and that's why I didn't feel good.
All-in-all, it was a good weekend. It would have been better if I could have shopped some more, and not slept for half the afternoon.
Diabetes gets in the way a lot. Tomorrow is my 16th birthday, and I'm hoping it won't mess that up.
Have a great week, everyone!

Thank you

Dear D-Parents,

Thank you. 

For your sleepless nights. 

For the worry you have for your D-child/children. 

For the hours you spend on the phone trying to get support from device companies. 

For the hours you spent learning at diagnosis. 

For the food you measure and calculate.

For the time you spend trying to make sure we have a "normal" life.

For reminding us to not let D get in the way. 

For the prescriptions you call in every month or three months. 

For driving to the pharmacy to get our life saving medicine.

For remembering to help change our sites and sensors. 

For teaching us how to care for ourselves. 

For letting go, even though you're not quite ready. 

For never slowing down.

For always trying to get the best technology/medicine there is for us.

For having tons and tons of patience. 

For giving us independence. 

For driving us to the several doctors appointment we have each year. 

For consoling us when we are inconsolable. 

For supporting us in everything we do. 

For knowing when we've had enough, and we need your help. 

For teaching us that it's okay to not be perfect. 

For helping us laugh when we need it. 

For not getting mad when we forget to give insulin. 

For advocating for our disease. 

For understanding.

Thank you for keeping us alive. 

But most of all, D-parents, thank you for loving us. 

Shots vs Pump

Before my pump, I was on shots. Novolog and Levimir, which added up to be around 6 or 7 shots a day. I've been on my pump, the Animas Ping, for about 6 or 7 months now. And I love it. Or should I say did love it. At first, it was great. Amazing. Awesome. I went to my endocrinologist 3 months after I started. On shots, my A1c was 6.9. Three months after starting on my pump, my A1c was 6.5. It was an improvement, but I'd take a 6.5 or a 6.9 any day.

Lately, I've not been as big of a fan as I was in the beginning. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I feel like something is wrong. My CDE told me when I started that they often see a decrease in A1c numbers the first six months patients are on the pump, but after that they tend to go up again. It makes sense. When you first get a pump you're excited and do everything right with it. Once the initial excitement goes away, you go back to do things the same way you did before- which probably means your numbers won't be as tight (if you're like me).

I feel like something is wrong because, even though I feel guilty to say it, I think I want to go back on shots. It's crazy. I can't believe that I've been thinking about it so much. I feel insanely guilty about it, because my mom went through all kinds of things to get me this piece of great technology. My health insurance covers it and the supplies 100% (lucky us) but just getting it approved was a struggle. I feel guilty because there's so many people who do want a pump who can't afford one or can't get one for whatever reason. I just plain feel guilty. I'm tired of being attached to it all the time. I just want it off. Maybe I've been feeling this way because my blood sugars have been a little crazy lately and higher than I want. I feel like after a day or two I'm not absorbing my insulin well at all. My blood sugars are pretty good for a day or two after I change my site, but after that, they're terrible. Changing my site every other day wouldn't be worth it for me, and I'd rather just be on shots. That's just how I feel.

I know it's silly to feel guilty. I should do what's best for me. I have yet to bring this up with my mother. I'm still hoping that my blood sugars will somehow get incredibly better and I'll want to stay on the pump. Unfortunately, I can't see that happening. I've been making basal and ratio changes for weeks now, and still, my blood sugars have not been matching up with the effort I've been giving them.

I go to my endo again on November 20th. I've decided to stick with it until then, and if I still feel the same, I will bring it up with my doctor. And try to talk to my mom about it before that appointment so she's not completely blindsided.

Does anyone else have experience with this? Being on a pump but preferring shots?

Lost

I'm a little lost right now. In diabetes. In life. In everything.
Does being lost come with being a teenager? I hope so.
My blood sugars have been all over the place, which probably adds to my emotions. I've been trying. Really really hard. But I'm still lost with what to do with diabetes.
If someone asked me to explain my life right now I would say something along the lines of "I get up, do what I need to do to survive, go to sleep and repeat." I wouldn't say I'm depressed. I'm more of just here. Just trying to find my way through these tough teenage years, doing the best I can, and still not feeling good enough.
There's things I'm looking forward to this month. My birthday. My trip to Utah to see my best friends. Great things. But they're so far away and I'm struggling to hang on until those exciting things get here.

So for now, please excuse my absence from the diabetes online community. I try to be present as much as possible but I am so busy. Busy trying figure out this thing called life. And it isn't easy.

Have an awesome week, everyone!

School Troubles

I've had diabetes for about 5 years. 24/7. 24 hours a day. I deal with it all the time. I can do it. I know what to do. And on those rare occasions that I really do need help, I know how to ask for it. My mom and I don't really talk about diabetes unless there's a problem. It never really comes up with my family unless someone is making a joke just to make me angry.

This past summer I didn't have any problems. My A1c tested at 6.5. I was great.

Then the school year rolls around and all the sudden there is someone watching my every move. Someone who doesn't really understand diabetes all that much but still thinks that she knows more than me. Someone I have to tell how much insulin I gave, what my blood sugar was, how much insulin I gave, why I took some off, why I added some, why I put a temp basal on... Every. Single. Thing. I do diabetes wise has to be reported to the school nurse. It's annoying. I don't need her.

She yelled at me today and told me I have to start coming to her office before and after lunch. Which means I'll be late for my spanish class. Which is disruptive and embarrassing. And I'm not doing it. Before today I had been going after all my classes, before I go home for the day. I forgot on Friday. I forgot one day and that's it. I have to come twice a day?  Uhm, no.

I tried to explain that my blood sugars have been good before lunch. That I know how to do my insulin, how to count carbs. It didn't matter. She was rude and mean and said I have to come and if I don't then she'll have to call my mom and talk to her about it. Well, listen lady, go ahead and call my mom, because I guarantee she's going to say I don't have to come to your office twice a day. Heck, call my doctor and she'll even tell you I don't have to come to your office at all (I know because I talked to her about it once and she thought it was ridiculous I had still been going everyday).

Am I wrong? Should I just suck it up and go to her office for a few minutes twice a day? What do you think? Is it worth fighting this?

Priorities

What is supposed to come first to me? Most teenagers would say school or friends. Some would say things like relationships or family or whatever. But me, personally? What comes first? I don't know. Diabetes? School? Friends? I have yet to find how to balance all these things.

Most teenagers already have a lot on their plate, but throw in type one diabetes and you get something completely different. Sometimes I just want to stop. Stop diabetes. Stop insulin. Just stop. But we all know I can't do that. I want to be a "normal" teenager but I can't do that either.

So in these teen years, am I supposed to put diabetes first? Or should I put school first? Or friends? Or somehow find a way to put all these things first? 

My diabetes care is slipping lately, I know. And I know why. It's because of the school work, the stress, the friends. Sometimes it's easier to let a 200 be if I don't feel bad. I need to do better.

But it feels impossible to do better diabetes wise when I'm trying to do my best everywhere else too. Is it okay for diabetes to not always be number one?

How do you prioritize? What's number one on your list?

The Candy Bowl

I started school about a week ago. It's been okay- more on that later. Now, I want to share this short little story with you, that I'm sure you can all relate to.

At my school, fifth period is the period with the lunch shifts. I eat on the last lunch shift (helloooo, I am SO hungry by then!). Anyways, fifth period, being the longest of the day, is also when I have my journalism class. I'm on the newspaper staff. We have our own room or "lab" as we call it. It has tables and computers and now, it has a mini-fridge and microwave. So, problem number one: All we do in that class is eat. Like A LOT. Not unhealthy things, but still, we should probably stop eating so much.

When we were cleaning out the room last week we came across a (empty) candy bowl. Can you see where this is going? Everyone was bringing things in to make the room more home-y. (Our newspaper staff consists of 9 people and we LOVE each other. We're more of a family than friends.) So two people came up with a bright idea to go buy candy and put it in the candy bowl for everyone to share. You remember when I said that we eat all period long? Well, that now includes candy. And let's be honest, even PWD can't resist candy. So ate some. And some more. And some more.... OOPS. I bloused for all of it but of course my blood sugar was still super high all afternoon. Making me super tired and unproductive in the rest of my classes. AND made my dexcom beep in class twice today. UGH.

 
I'm gonna have to come up with a better idea on how to handle the candy bowl. Maybe we should just eat all the candy really fast and not bring anymore in? HA. That would end badly...

Our hands when we rubbed them together after
 painting them for our hand print sign below.

The sign the newspaper staff made to hang on our door

Sticky Situations

      Starting school with diabetes is much easier when the student is in high school. (shout out to all D-parents reading this, if any. It does get easier!!)
      The school nurse is great. I only see her once a day (which I hoped to get down to zero times a day this year unless there was a problem, but the rules in my school district are verrrry strict) and it's after lunch.
       When I started school as a freshman we had a meeting with the school nurse, her supervisor, the principal, both vice principals, and some other people. So they all, in theory, know I have diabetes. But let's be honest, I'm sure they have forgotten by now, two years later.
       My mom wrote letters to all my teachers my freshman year and when we went in for the meeting, we walked around to each teacher and gave them the letter and talked with them a little. Sophomore year my mom emailed all my teachers. I never had any problems either year. This year, my mom emailed all my new teachers. The nurse also sends out a email to all the teachers in the school with a list of students who have medical conditions so everyone is aware.
      So here's my problem: my dexcom.  All my teachers should know that I have diabetes. In my mom's email she stated how some of my devices look like cell phones, but they aren't, they're medical devices. Today, the second day of school, I set my dexcom to vibrate and put it in my purse, which I always have with me. I was low today and never noticed my dexcom for about an hour and a half  , and didn't feel low (hello, hypo-unawareness!). When I checked I ended up being in the 50's. Ouch. I don't know what to do with my dexcom. I can't put it in my pocket (not allowed and so bulky and uncomfortable) and leaving it in my purse on vibrate obviously won't work. I don't want to put it on loud or soft because I really don't want it to make any noise, or draw any attention to myself (remember, I am in high school...). I'm not worried about my teachers taking it from me or thinking it's a cell phone, because if that ever happened I would put them in their place right away (not in a mean way, but you know). I'm more worried about interrupting the class, teachers getting annoyed, other students getting annoyed, me getting annoyed and embarrassed.
      Does anyone have any similar experiences or any suggestions? I need to make sure I will notice it if I'm high or low, but I don't want it to cause any disruptions. Help!

Dexcom G4 Review

I've been using the Dexcom G4 for about a month now and I figured it was about time to write a review for fellow PWD. I've never had a CGM before so it was really exciting for me to get it. I'll break it down into pros and cons (pretty basic things).

Pros:

• Knowing which way my blood sugar is going. I love the arrows! They help me a lot when it comes to knowing if I should give more insulin, eat more, etc. 
• Trends. I've been able to download the data to the Dexcom software several times and each time I have found at least one place that needed some minor basal tweaking. I never would have found those spots if I didn't have a CGM.
• Accuracy. This thing is pretty darn accurate! Most of the time, at least. I have found that it is almost always accurate when I'm in range but not so accurate when I'm really high or really low. Which is to be expected and something I definitely knew was going to happen. 
• Size of the receiver. It's so small! It fits almost anywhere. I usually keep it in my back pocket or a small pocket in my purse.
• Sensors. It is only recommended that you wear the sensor for 7 days. Many people in the DOC wear them for much longer than this. (Not medical advice.) My first sensor lasted for 10 days and got pulled after hours of seeing ???. My third only for a week, because it just wasn't sticking. I'm on day 11 of my third sensor and it's still going strong. 

Cons:

• For some reason, I really don't like how, even if the sounds are set to "normal" or "attentive" if I'm high or low, the receiver first vibrates then alarms 5 minutes later. I would much rather it alarm the very first time, right when I go high or low. 
• The sensors don't seem to stick very well on me. By the end of the second or third day I need tape or IV3000 to make them stay on. It's worth it, but it's still annoying.

Other than that, I can't think of any specific cons right now. I'm sure there's more but I'm so distracted and tired! 

I hope this review was helpful. Let me know if you have any questions! :)

My Mom Does This Thing

         Whenever I'm at a doctor's office, or in a meeting, or just talking to someone when my mom is around she does this thing. Somehow diabetes gets brought up (doesn't it always?) and she just talks and talks and talks. As in, I can't even say one word about MY diabetes because she's talking about it so much. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. I know it just means she cares. But dang, is it annoying!
         Now, most of the time when we're at home, my mom and I don't really talk about diabetes. I'm in charge of it and she knows I'm doing pretty well. There's the occasional "Did you change your site today?" or "Is your blood sugar still high from earlier?" but that's about it. She doesn't know my basal rates, or my ISF, or my carb ratios, or that eating M&Ms makes me high for hours. Not that she doesn't care, she just leaves it up to me.
         That all changes when we're around other people. I don't know why. She just talks and talks and talks. Yesterday, we went to meet with the school nurse and take my supplies in. I was talking about my Dexcom (if you haven't heard, I named her Pixie) and then my mom just goes off on how it's great, and it shows trends, and blah blah blah. The nurse asked how long I keep my sensor on and I was about to answer when my mom said "oh, a few days!" I was about to say how it stays on a week, and probably longer, but my mom was already talking about something else diabetes-related.
        Should I be happy because this means she cares? Probably. But is this really annoying? Yes.


PS- I named my Dexcom Pixie and my pump Stix. Like Pixie Stix? Ha. Ha. Sugar. Someone please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this amusing. 

Exploding With Feelings

         I'm frustrated. With diabetes. With life. With everything.
         For the past month or so my blood sugars have been crazy high after eating, no matter what. And if I give more insulin I just go low later. It happens no matter what I eat. I have absolutely NO idea what to do. Any food suggestions that don't make your blood sugar high after eating?
          Ever since a few weeks ago my blood sugars have been crazy. My basal rates seem to need completely changed (which I haven't done because I don't even know where to start). I'm high then I go low and eat 10-15g and I'm back in the 200's. I don't understand! It's not for lack of trying, that's for sure. It seems like no matter what I do, I can't keep my blood sugar stable. I know that if things stay like this my A1C will be much higher than 6.5, even though I want it lower next time I get it tested. I start school in a couple weeks and I know I will need to make changed again then. Why can't things diabetes wise stay the same? There's always a need to change things and it's frustrating because it makes me feel like I can never get it right. But honestly, I never can get it right.
           I can't even finish this post without tears running down my cheeks. I'm frustrated with my life. My twin brother got his permit a couple weeks ago. I haven't because I'm still waiting for THAT letter from the MVA saying that I'm medically cleared to drive. Even though we filled out the paperwork, my doctor filled out the paperwork, we sent it in a month before, we have still not gotten that letter. My brother rubs it in my face every chance he gets, like I'm already not upset about it enough. It's not fair that diabetes is standing in the way of me getting my permit. It might not seem like a big deal, but it is. To me, it is. We already have a late birthday, and some people in our grade already have their license. It just is not fair.
            I haven't talked much about my dad on my blog. It's a long story. Over the past few weeks I've been becoming more and more angry and hurt that he chose alcohol over our family. He is just now trying to "fix" things, trying to get back in touch. He says he's sober, but who knows? It upsets me when I know my mom is struggling to make ends meet and he doesn't even have a job, and doesn't pay child support. Actually, he just started paying child support even though he's been supposed to for years. I don't think he realizes how much he's hurt us. He was drunk the whole time, he probably doesn't even remember half the things he said and did. My mom blames him for herself becoming an alcoholic. Do you know what it's like having two alcoholic parents? Well, it sucks. More than words can explain, it sucks. (My mom has been sober for a few months, but still, having the memories of all the bad is overwhelming and depressing. Like I've said before, my older sister is my hero.)
           I'm frustrated, angry, upset, depressed, and have absolutely nowhere to turn. My best friend moved half way across the country at the beginning of summer. I miss her so much. I miss the nights we would just talk. She knew everything about my life and I knew everything about hers. We still talk, but it's just not the same. I need her here. I want her hugs and just to talk to her.
         What it comes down to is that life isn't fair. It never will be. I know it will just get worse once school starts again. And besides, it has to get worse before it gets better. I'll try to survive and make the best of life, that's what I've done so far. But sometimes things get to me. Sometimes, I'm not as strong as I seem. Sometimes. I'm not okay.
       Things will get better. 

Not Normal

Having diabetes isn't normal. It's rare. (Is it?) I've met all the people on the internet that have it, and a few in real life.
I'm sitting in my bed on a Sunday evening on my computer, mindlessly watching a show on Netflix. My CGM alarms. Low. Okay, so I eat some graham crackers and peanut butter. Then I start thinking, that's not normal. It's not normal to worry all the time about what my blood sugar is, if what I ate for lunch will make my blood sugar high, if I'll feel sick later today or tomorrow. None of it is normal. It's not normal to have an "external box with tubing and a cannula" (in words of my surgeon) on me all the time. It's not normal to have another computer like chip attached to me all the time to tell me if my blood sugar is high or low. Most kids probably wouldn't even know what the words "blood sugar" and "insulin" mean.
It's not that I'm upset that I'm not normal. Nobody is normal. What even is normal? It's just that I'm still learning how to cope. How to be okay with the fact that I'll probably never be okay, health wise. I'm still learning to cope with the carb counting, the finger sticks, the shots. I've had diabetes for almost five years. And I still don't know if I'll ever be okay with it, if I'll accept it, if I can cope with it. This post is scattered and probably doesn't make sense to anybody else but me. I don't know how to make my thoughts make sense to other people.
Nothing about diabetes is normal, yet I'm still doing. We're still doing it. I shouldn't have to do it, but I do. And I'll just keep doing it, keep not being normal until the day there finally is a cure. Because that day really will come.

Friday Fives: Trip to Philly

My mom and I just got back from a trip to Philly, where we attended the DSMA Live event (see my last post), and did lots of tourist-y stuff.

1. Parking in Philly is IMPOSSIBLE. We expected it to be bad, but come on! It took us 45 minutes once just to find a parking place, half a mile from where we were going! Ridiculous. Not to mention the small fortune we had to pay each time...
2. We stay in a hotel in Crowne Plaza that was nice. The only two complaints we had was the music in the room next to us was so loud that we couldn't sleep (not the hotel's fault, but still), and when we came back to our hotel on Thursday the maid had been there, but there weren't any towels. It took us two hours to actually get towels so we could shower. 
3. We went to the Mutter Museum and it was awesome! It was a little creepy, but still really cool. I bought a shirt at the gift shop as a souvenir.  
4. We also went on a walking ghost tour of Philly. We did not see any ghosts.... what a shame.
5. My site got ripped out of my leg on Thursday night. I didn't notice that or that my blood sugar was high until we got to TGI Fridays for dinner. I freaked out a little (okay, a lot) when I looked at the menu and saw the turkey burger I just ordered with fries had 93g of carbs. *gasp* I didn't eat all of it or all the fries. I changed my site when we got home and gave more insulin... just to be in the 40's later that night. I can never win.

Overall, it was a great trip. I loved spending time with just my mom. We left my brothers at home (ha!). I loved going to the DSMA event and meeting everyone. (See also: DSMA Live Meet-Up)
Have a great weekend! :)

DSMA Live Meet-Up

My mom and I traveled four hours to Philadelphia on Wednesday to attend the DSMA Live event. I was nervous and excited at the same time. It would be the first time I would meet any D friends in real life, and I knew I would be shy. I'm always shy at things like this, even if I try not to be.
We got to Philadelphia around 5, checked into our hotel, and then headed to the meet-up. Or so we thought. We got lost... 3 times. And how the heck are you supposed to find parking in this city? (besides paying 29 dollars for it) It was both our second times being in Philly, and our first time together. We knew it was going to be interesting. We finally found where we were supposed to be, and signed in. And my mom was just starving so we headed to the food table. Then we found seats and ate for a few minutes. As I looked around I saw so many people who I knew but I doubt they knew who I was. My mom kept telling me to go introduce myself to people but I. Am. So. Shy. (Sorry to anybody I didn't get to meet. Next time for sure! I'll be less shy!)
A few people did introduce themselves and were super nice. Once the twitter chat started it was great, and I loved hearing everybody's responses in the room. After it was over, my mom and I introduced ourselves to Cherise and she already knew who we were. It was great to talk to her, and she loved that we came. I hope she gets in touch like she said she would! I also loved meeting Allison and Stephen :)
I'm really hoping to go to more of these things and meet even more people. I'm thankful to my mom for taking me, and I think she really learned a lot from it.
Overall, it was a great experience and I'm glad I got to go! Can't wait for more events like this one!

Friday Fives: July 26th, 2013

1. This has been the worst week I've had in a while. So glad it's almost over.
2. I was scheduled to get my driving permit next Monday but now I cannot. We sent papers to the MVA a month ago for the medical review (you know, the one that if I don't do and they find out I have diabetes I'll get my license taken away) and they haven't even looked at them yet. They're "not even close to getting that far." Hey, MVA, do you realize that you need to do your jobs right so as to not let 15 and 16 year olds down? I mean, getting your permit or license is one of the biggest things in a teenagers life! Get it together! And yes, my twin brother is still getting his. Ugh.
3. I still do not have my dexcom. They still have not shipped my dexcom. We did finally find a supply company we can use. So now I have no clue what the hold up is. (See also: Last weeks's Friday Fives, number two)
4. I have to get my gallbladder taken out. Ugh. (See also: Surgery: Scheduled)
5. I have changed my site 5 times in the past week. 5 times in the last 7 days. UGH. I'm hoping this one lasts the full three days. Fingers crossed. 

Have an awesome weekend! :)

Struggling and Surviving

I've been trying to write this post for a while now. I'm not sure why I'm even writing it now. I don't share these stories with many people. But something about the DOC makes me feel comfortable and "at home". I feel compelled to write this post- maybe it will help someone, maybe it will save someone. Who knows.
For 2 years (maybe more, I don't remember details) I suffered from diabulimia. I didn't know that's what it was at the time. Looking back on it, I know. It all started when for a week I let my blood sugars go up into the 300's or 400's. I ate what I wanted and didn't take insulin. I only took my long acting at night. At the end of that week someone made a comment at school "Brea, have you lost weight? You look so good!" It all clicked right then that my blood sugars were making me lose weight. I've never been the skinniest person and my twin brother constantly (and still does) made fun of me for being fat. (Just to be clear, I know I'm not fat and that he's a jerk.)
This went on for months. Every time I went to the nurses office at school I would lie about my blood sugar and say it was in the 100s, when really I never checked it. If I did, it was really in the 300s or 400s. Days I didn't want to go to school I would tell my mom my blood sugar was high. I started missing so many days that I was eventually put on a program call "Home-hospital schooling" where my school sent a tutor to my house to teach me. I missed my entire 8th grade year of school. They all thought I was too sick. Nobody ever thought that I was doing it to myself. I went to my endo and my A1C was slowly creeping up, it was somewhere in the 8s now, previously it has been 7 or below. She wasn't too concerned or suspicious then, but did make some changes. Changes I didn't follow. I ignored them and kept up what I was doing. Not giving insulin, slowly destroying my body.
I ended up in the hospital several times. Everyone thought it was just diabetes, and I was a teenager. Every time I went in they found some kind of infection or something that could have caused it. But I knew that I caused it. I was loosing weight and that's all that mattered to me. I had lost about 30 pounds by then. Yes, I thought, keep going. So I did. I never understood and still don't understand why my family didn't see right through me. Maybe it's because that was the same time my parents were getting divorced, the same time my dad's addiction to alcohol got worse, the same time we were being abused. (Did I mention this was going on the same time I was battling an addiction to self-harm? That's another post for another day.) My sadness and depression was consuming me. But everyone was concentrated on something else besides me.
Fast forward three or four months. I'm a freshman in high school now. I went back to the endo. She started the appointment with asking if I'd been doing anything to lose weight. Not really, I said. "Your A1C is 10.8%" What? No. No. No. That is way too high. She downloaded my meter. For the past month I had been doing better. But there was no info from before that month because I had changed meters. And she knew why. She gave me the truth that day. And that's exactly what I needed. I cried. She recommend that I see a therapist (which I did and she told me that I was fine and didn't need to keep coming). She talked to my mom alone and she came out crying.
That day was exactly what I needed. I woke up. I realized that my life was worth more than that. I realized what I was throwing away. The next time I saw my endo my A1C was 7.7% and the next time it was 6.9%.
Today, I'm getting ready to start my junior year of high school. I'm happy (okay, not completely, but working on it). My latest A1C was 6.5%. I'm on an insulin pump and hopefully will be gettting a Dexcom soon. I haven't self-harmed for months (again, I will make another post about that when I'm ready). I'm glad I realized I needed to change. I haven't told anybody what I went through except for one of my friends. My family still doesn't know to this day what I struggled through. But you know what? I survived. I will survive. I will thrive. I will live my life and I will love my life. I'm thankful.

Too Many Feelings

           Diabetes makes me feel many feelings. Lonely. Depressed. Sad. Happy. Disappointed. Proud. Tired. So many. I often find myself trying to explain these feelings to people around me. But how do you explain the mental effects of living with a chronic disease?
           Most of all, lately I've been feeling left out and lonely. It's summer time and I'm in high school. I want to go out, have fun and hang out with friends. I don't want to be the only one that has to bring a big purse, check her blood sugar at the most inconvenient times, give insulin for every little thing I put in my mouth. What happened to being a kid? I grew up way faster than my friends. And it is not fair.
            In the interest of being honest- having diabetes in high school sucks. I cry and get upset about it a lot. Even though I know it's not worth crying over. I need to get used to it. I need to accept it. But I just can't. I can't accept that I'm gonna go through my whole life like this- feeling left out, lonely, always having to explain myself. So my question for you- how do I do it? How do I get through high school living with this chronic disease?
            I know this post is confusing and scattered. I'm bad at putting my feelings into words. Bear with me, please!

Friday Fives- July 19th (first ever Friday fives!)

1. It has been HOT HOT HOT here this week. Thank goodness for my air conditioner! (special thanks to my mom for buying it for me ;))
2. I am still FRUSTRATED with Dexcom. No, we don't want to use a supply company that is out of network for our insurance. We don't want to pay money we don't have. We just want to order our supplies from a company that our insurance will cover. Is that too hard to ask for?
3. It's summer, meaning no school. I have slept in until almost 11 everyday. And no, I haven't done any of that AP summer work for school... I should probably get on that.
4. Even though I've slept in so late, I've still woken up with blood sugars in the 120's or lower! WIN.
5. When I refilled my pump cartridge at the dinner table after we were done eating and my brother said "Can you do that somewhere else?! That's gross!" I replied with "Can you breathe somewhere else? I hate it when you do things to help keep yourself alive in front of me." Then walked away. He later apologized. WIN AGIAN!
Have a great weekend! :)

Birthday Wishes

I've celebrated five birthdays with type one diabetes. Every year there is a cake with candles. Everyone says "Okay, make a wish and blow out your candles!" In those five years I have never wished for a cure for diabetes. I'm not sure why. And I'm not sure why it seems so important to me now. Maybe it's because I'm just getting into the DOC (diabetes online community) or maybe it's because D is becoming an even bigger part of my life now that I'm getting older. Maybe this year I'll wish for a cure, but probably not. When I'm celebrating my birthday I hope diabetes isn't in the back of my mind. I hope I'm not thinking about it so much that I want to wish for a cure. Sure, I wish there was a cure for T1 D, but is it really worth it to use my once a year birthday wish on that? I get tired of D a lot, I get burnt out and sometimes I just wanna give up. But lately, D had been pretty easy for me (knock on wood). So, here's hoping for a cure, but not wishing for one- with my one birthday wish, that is.

Vacation and Diabetes

Last week I went on vacation with my family. This was the first time I've went on vacation for about 5 years, and the first time that I've gone to a hot, sunny beach for vacation with diabetes. I had no idea what to expect. I hoped for the best but prepared for the worst. I took way too many supplies, in case of emergencies. And guess what? It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be! The first day, my blood sugar was low constantly. But it wasn't a big deal because my family eats a lot on vacation anyways. I went to the beach the first day and wore my pump the entire time. The insulin didn't go bad. I got sunburned pretty badly, and that evening had a high number, which I think was a result of being sunburned so badly. The second day was better, a couple lows, but no highs. That's pretty much how the whole week was. One day I had a 433 and I still have no idea why. But I corrected and it came down, so I tried not to dwell on the reasons. There was two days I didn't go to the beach at all, because I was so sunburned and miserable, and one day it rained. We actually ended up leaving a day early and going to my sister's house, where we spent the next day at the pool. I was in the heat more than I ever had been lately, and I know that was the cause of most of my lows, but my insulin never went bad like my doctor warned it might, so yay! All in all, it was a great vacation and I miss my family already!
As for tips for vacationing with diabetes, I would say: keep your unused insulin cold (duh) and if you're in the sun, put your pump or insulin you're using in a cooler while your in the water, count carbs extra carefully, try to follow somewhat of a schedule, but mostly, just have fun and give yourself some slack! Vacation is supposed to be fun!

Being Different

            Think back to your teenage years. I bet there was a time you felt different, you didn't fit in, you liked something everyone else didn't like or vice versa, you get the point. Everyone feels different at some point in their lives. For me, that point is right now. And the reason I feel different? Diabetes.
             It's summer now and everyone is out of school. I'm going into the 11th grade next year. I don't know how it was when you were a teenager, but now everyone likes to party. Especially in small towns that don't have much of anything to do, like my town. I've always known that I can't really be a "real" teen, who experiments with alcohol and whatnot. I've said no to numerous party invites in the past. By now, my friends know to not even ask. Now, don't get me wrong, even if I didn't have diabetes I probably would still say no to those party invites. But it'd be nice to know that I could say yes if I wanted to. I've been warned many times about what alcohol does to blood sugars, and that I shouldn't drink, especially during my teenage years. I mean, teens shouldn't drink anyways. I know there will be a point that I do drink (probably when I'm legal). But for right now, I just feel different, left out.
            This all started really sinking in when I was woken up this morning at 11 (yes, 11, I babysat until 2am last night- woah) by a phone call from a really good friend. The conversation went something like this:
Her: "Can I come sleep at your house for a few hours?"
Me (confused after just waking up, mind you): "Uhmmmm, what?"
Other Friend takes phone: "Listen, just let your come over. I took care of her while she was puking all night last night and I have to go to work."
Me: "Uhmmmmmmm, okay"
Them: "We're dropping her off in 5 minutes"
      So she came over, she slept, she ate crackers, she threw up, she went home. And in that moment I was both jealous that it couldn't be me (sounds silly, doesn't it?) and I was glad it couldn't be me. I feel different, yet I don't care. I'm still trying to figure my feelings out about this subject, but mostly I just feel different and left out. Until I figure out my other feelings, I'll just go in being the sober (don't forget great, amazing, and awesome) friend that is called when drunk friends need help. And for now I'm somewhat okay with that.

Driving... Or Not

In every teenager's life comes the time to get their permit and eventually (hopefully) their license. In the state of Maryland to get your permit you have to get a attendance form filled out by your school's guidance counselor. It pretty much says that the student applying to get their permit has missed 10 or less days  (unexcused) in the last semester. Which would be fine, for everyone else. Everyone except for me. I have missed somewhere around 35 or 40 days this year. With 15 or so being excused. And about 14 of the unexcused days have been in the last semester. See the problem here? Why have I missed this many days, you may ask? One word- diabetes. I missed a lot (A LOT) of days this year because my blood sugar was high or low, days when I felt sick from said blood sugar, and there was no way I was going to make it through a school day. I got my pump about 2 months ago and my blood sugars have be so SO much better. But I still have all those unexcused absences to deal with. I still get all A's and B's, better grades than most people my age and I always keep up with all my missed work. So WHY is the attendance policy for getting your permit not, instead, a policy about grades? Which I believe would be MUCH more effective. If I keep up with my missed work and have a legitimate excuse for missing those days (which we all know I do) why should I be denied the privilege to get my permit? Maybe it's just me that thinks and feels this way, or maybe it's just because it's happening to me. I can get my permit at the end of July and my mom and I are doing everything we can to make sure I will be able to get my permit, meanwhile my twin brother makes fun of me every chance he gets and that's not making this any easier. UGH!

Diabetes Blog Week: Freaky Friday

Today's Topic: Just like in the movie, today we're doing a swap. If you could switch chronic diseases, which one would you chose to deal with instead of diabetes? And while you're considering chronic conditions, do you think your participation in the DOC has affected how you treat friends and acquaintances with other medical conditions?

I've had people say to me before "Well, at least you don't have cancer." Yeah, it's true, I don't have cancer. I'm thankful for that. But that doesn't mean I'm thankful I have diabetes. All chronic diseases suck, to say the least. They all (or almost all) require constant care. They never go away. We can't change it, but we have to live with it. I wouldn't want to trade my disease for another. Especially now- think about how much more information I'd have to learn. I still barely have diabetes down, I don't have time to add another disease. I can control my diabetes. I have to work really really hard, 24/7/365. But I can control it.
As for the second part of the prompt, it hasn't really changed. The DOC has taught me about more diseases and what they mean and what they are. Anybody that is affected by a disease knows I'm always here to talk. I'll probably understand more than some people. But I've always been open to talk to anyone, even before I had diabetes.
To sum this up: I wouldn't trade diabetes for another disease and my participation in the DOC hasn't really changed how I treat other people with chronic conditions.

Diabetes Blog Week: Memories

Today's Topic: Today we’re going to share our most memorable diabetes day. You can take this anywhere.... your or your loved one's diagnosis, a bad low, a bad high, a big success, any day that you’d like to share.

I was diagnosed with diabetes during my sixth grade year of middle school. I took a few weeks off and when it came time to go back, I was nervous. I had spent the past few weeks barely leaving my mom's side and now I would be away from her for most of the day. A few days before I was to return to school the principle called my mom. He told her that the school nurse, the one we'd met with and the one I was already somewhat comfortable with, would not be a school for the rest of the year. He husband was in an accident and she was taking a leave of absence. He assured my mom that the substitute nurse was just as great as the regular one. My mom asked me if I would mind if she, and the school nurse, if I wanted her to, could come talk to my class when I got back. She just wanted them to be aware and know that diabetes was something they should be afraid of- I'm still me. I agreed, because I knew by that point most of my friends and people in my class knew about my diagnoses, even though I told my twin brother not to tell anyone. Somehow, everyone found out.

The day I was going back to school, I woke up bright and early. I started out with a positive attitude. That is, until I checked my blood sugar and it was in the 300's. My mom said it was probably because I was nervous and we treated and off to school I went (with my mom in tow). When we got there I saw all my friends, caught up, and everything was going great. And then... I couldn't get my locker open. I was at the wrong locker and I didn't remember my combination. I ended up crying about it because some kid made a joke along the lines of "It must be the diabetes..." I finally got over that and it was time for my mom to talk to my class. It was going well until a kid raised his hand and asked if it was contagious. Another asked if I was going to die. And another asked why I was still going to school. And another asked... you get the point. That made me upset too. I just got back and already everyone was treating me differently. They didn't even give me a chance to show them that I was still the same person or to teach them about diabetes. They had already made up their mind.

First period went okay after my mom left. But then I started feeling low. The bell rang to go to second and I went to the nurse- the substitute. I walked in behind another kid and my grade and she asked him if he had a note from a teacher, or if he'd been to his next class yet. When he said no she said "Well, then you can't be here, and same for you" I didn't know what to do. I quietly said "I think my blood sugar is low." She looked at me, with a somewhat confused look on her face and said "Are you Brea?" Yep, that's me. After that we got everything worked out. For some reason, I still think of it as a painful experience.

Next comes lunch. I knew I was going to be late because I had to go to the nurse so I asked a friend to save a seat for me. I went to the nurse and everything was good. I head to lunch and... what? No seat for me? My friend told me she tried but she couldn't. She offered to share her seat with me and try harder the next day. I accepted, not knowing where else to sit. That's when one of the teachers- the mean, grumpy, old one- came over and said- no, yelled- that we couldn't share a seat, it was against the rules. I started crying right then and there. Finally, the other teacher- the nice, young one who had a son I was friends with- came over and explained to Mr. Grumpy that it was okay, it was my first day back. They let me share a seat that day, and let my friend save me a seat from then on. I am forever grateful for that teacher and that she actually understood the situation.

Needless to say, that day was rather interesting. It wasn't the worst day, but certainly not the best. I never want to go back and relive it. It's one of those days that I remember every detail of, no matter if I want to or not.

Blood, blood everywhere

I just changed my site. By myself. To some of you, that might seem like no big deal, but to me, it's huge. I've only been back on a pump for about a week and a half, and this was the fourth site change I've had. I was on a pump in previous years, and it took me months before I could change my site myself, my mom always did it for me. This time, I decided I would put my new site in before I took my old one out, just in case I couldn't do it. I put my new one in with no problems at all, hooked it up, primed the cannula, and I was good to go- or so I thought. I took my old one out and BAM, blood everywhere. And by everywhere, I mean it squirted out, ran down my belly, got on my pants and eventually onto the floor. At first I was shocked, I didn't know what to do. I was home alone. I grabbed some tissues and put pressure on it, thinking it would stop bleeding soon. Wrong. It bled- the soak-through-a-tissue-in-seconds kind of bleeding, for at least five straight minutes. I kept thinking "next time I take the tissue off it will have stopped" but it just kept coming! Eventually it stopped, and yes, I survived. I had a pump before and I do not remember ever bleeding this much. Ever. Once the bleeding was down to a minimum I put a band-aid on it and noticed it was hard all over. I called my mom at work and she assured me it was from the bruising, not the insulin. Needless to say, it was quite an experience. I hope it never happens again but for some reason, I'm sure it will. Has anybody else had a similar experience? Am I alone on this one?

Diabetes Blog Week: We, The Undersigned

Today's Topic: Recently various petitions have been circulating the Diabetes Online Community, so today let’s pretend to write our own. Tell us who you would write the petition to – a person, an organization, even an object (animate or inanimate) - get creative!! What are you trying to change and what have you experienced that makes you want this change?
I'm petitioning all TV shows that have diabetic characters. Would it kill you to make it a little more realistic? I once watched a show in which a ten or eleven year old girl got diagnosed with diabetes. They made a whole episode out of it, showed her in the hospital, showed her family supporting her, everything. The unrealistic parts, at least for me, were: She went home after one night in the hospital, and no education (at least none that they showed). Once she got home, there was barely any mention of it. You never heard her mom ask what her blood sugar was, you never saw her give insulin, you never saw any type of care being taken. Yes, in the next episode they had a family dinner, and while there the mom's phone went off, and she excused herself and her daughter because it was time for her insulin. In reality, diabetes takes over your life- especially when you're first diagnosed. You count carbs, are still adjusting insulin, and are checking your blood sugar many times a day. So, do some research, talk to some real life diabetics, and find out what it's actually like to have diabetes. THEN make a character in a movie or TV show have diabetes, but only if it's going to be realistic! 

Diabetes Blog Week: Share and Don't Share

Today's Topic: Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one's daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don't see?
What I wish they could see:
I'm a teenager and it's not easy. Throw in diabetes and it gets pretty hard to balance. I wish they could see that I didn't check my blood sugar at all that particular day in between 2pm and 9pm because I was busy busy busy with school, studying, and extracurricular things. I didn't ignore it, I didn't didn't do it on purpose, I was just busy. It was a one time thing. When they ask "Do all your friends know you have diabetes?" I want to ask them how easy it'd be for them to bring that up in a conversation- let alone on a date. My friends know I have diabetes, but it's not something I tell people when I first meet them. All those lows and highs you see in the afternoon sometimes after lunch are because I eat lunch from my school and how knows how many carbs are in... what is that? I try my hardest and even look things up, but being off by only 5 grams can still send me way up or way down. But I do try my hardest. I wish they would see that I know my body better than them. If I tell them I'm not going to cover when my blood sugar is 190 and I'm not going to eat it's because I know I'll be low later, not because I don't want to give insulin. I wish they'd see that yep, social situations do influence how I take care of my diabetes but I'm a teenager trying to find myself. I wish they could see that I'm just trying my hardest, even if they don't think it's hard enough.

What I hope they don't see:
I hope they don't see that yes, my mom or siblings still insert my infusion sets for me because some days I just can't do it. This might sound silly, but I hope they don't see how much independence I have. My mom is a single mother and I haven't seen my dad for years. I live at home with my twin brother with 4 other siblings not living at home. My mom works nights. So yeah, I have a lot of independence to eat what I want, do what I want, and take care of my diabetes how I want. Some people might think this is good, but my doctor certainly does not. She thinks my mother should be way more involved than she is. We've tried and failed. I just don't need her. I'm perfectly fine with taking care of myself. I hope they don't see that I don't change my lancet every time I test or use an alcohol wipe every time. I hope they don't see that sometimes when I'm low I eat waaaay too much and forget to cover for the extra. Or that sometimes I drink regular soda because I want to and I can. (of course I give insulin for it) Most of all, I hope they don't see that sometimes diabetes doesn't come first in my life like they think it should. I'm a teenager with lots of things going on. Diabetes is not always number one, but it's a least in the top five and isn't that good enough for right now?

Finally....

Yes, it's true. I'm FINALLY going back on an insulin pump. Let's start from the beginning. I was diagnosed in October of 2008, I was eleven. About 6 months after that I started on the Accu-Check Spirit pump. I loved it, I did. What I didn't love was my blood sugars- and my doctor. Since I live in such a small town, the only endocrinologist was one that treated mostly adults and didn't focus on diabetes. She just wasn't for me. After my mom did some research she found Children's National Medical Center in Washington, DC, about 3 hours from where we live. We made an appointment. When they saw my blood sugars and my basal rates, they were in awe. They told us that my former doctor was crazy and they could tell she worked mostly with adults. In addition to that, where I had been putting my sites, I could no longer use. They were all used up. So, in the end, I ended up back on shots- Levimir and Novolog pens. It was okay, and about 3 years later, I'm still on them. In the beginning, I only want to go on shots for a little while, and switch back to the pump, but ended up just staying on shots. My blood sugars were better and my A1C was down. It used to be 10.8 and in March of 2013 it was 6.9. YAY. My doctor was so happy. This was the third appointment that I had brought up the pump at, and she finally agreed. At the appointment before that she wanted to see me checking at least one more time a day. And the appointment before that, the first time I brought it up, she wanted to see my A1C lower. That's why I say, I am FINALLY going back on the pump. My insulin start is scheduled for next Friday at 9am and I CANNOT wait.

Field trip rant

I'm 15. If you were a teen with diabetes, you know that by that age your parents barely do anything to help you manage your diabetes- besides nag you when your blood sugar is high or low. I do everything myself. Count my carbs, check my blood sugar, calculate my insulin, I even refill my own prescriptions and make my own appointments. So can anyone tell me why when I go on field trips for school, I have to have a parent go with me? No matter how far away it is, how long I'll be there, my mom or older sibling, or somebody other than just me has to go. I'm a liability. Let's be honest, if something did happen to me, I passed out or had a seizure, somebody would call 911. Just like my mom would do if she was there. Sure, she would know to give me a glucagon shot or some fast acting sugar, but can't a teacher be taught that? I can understand this rule if the student is in elementary school, or even in middle school, but high school?! No way! It especially makes everything worse when my mom is the only parent on the trip. Obviously all my friends are going to know why she's there. I'm sick. BUT I'M NOT.  I handle my diabetes by myself everyday, so what's different about these days? Having a parent there makes me different- a loser. And some people even tell me that. I've given up trying to explain that it's not my choice to have her there, because they don't understand. In the end, it causes a lot of problems for me, and makes me feel like an outcast and it isn't really necessary. 
Any opinions on this or similar situations?