Sadly, that post, all of the things I described in that post are becoming my reality again.
I'm finding myself skipping my insulin on purpose.
I'm finding myself hurting myself on purpose to feel better about things.
I'm finding my mom drinking.
I'm finding my grades slipping.
I'm finding my stress level going through the roof.
I'm finding my depression level going up.
The hardest part about all this is that I thought it was over. I thought the years of pain and suffering were over. Will it ever be over?
For now, this is my reality. I'm writing this post because I think it's fair that I share with the DOC what's been up with me lately.
I'm trying as hard as I can. I'm doing the best I can. It's the best I can do with all these things going on in my life.
Putting on a happy face gets harder and harder each day.
I need to get back on track. I did it once, I can do it again.
I will try. Just hang in there with me a little longer.
I can't remember if you answered this, but have you seen a therapist or counselor? It sounds to me like you need some professional help pronto. Changes to healthcare make it easier to get covered now, so I really encourage you to get help. You deserve it, girl.
ReplyDeleteBrea-- sorry, I'm just now getting to this post. Allison gives some great advice. We all support you. You are brave and deserve better. Please reach out if you need anything.
ReplyDeleteOh, and by the way, you're one of my favorite writers. Hoping to read more from you soon.
Hey there Brea darling. I haven't been by in some time. Im sorry. Im sorry you are in this place too. Depression (not suggesting you are clinically depressed but just talking about depression) is a stealthy dragon (Bob at T minus 2 just wrote about it too). It sneaks up on people (Im talking from experience) and stalks them. Then when we identify it it doesn't always just slunk away foiled. Sometimes, often times it is tossing fire balls and thrashing its tail around. Its easy to say - stand your ground, raise your sword and charge but honestly having an army along side you is important. Allison above is a smart cookie. Talking to professionals is the best thing a person experiencing things like depression can do. A person experiencing depression doesn't have to battle the dragon alone.
ReplyDeleteDepression and diabetes often go hand in hand. in our community a person experiencing depression never has to be alone. This post is nearly a month old. I am hoping that in this time you have taken steps to get healthy.
I read the school nurse post first and Im so proud (hope that doesn't sound all condescending or motherly - I don't want to sound like that). Im happy to hear you are in a good place with diabetes care at school.
Thinking of you and wishing you well.
I was trying hard not to be all potty mouth here since you are young but this I can't help but to say. Diabetes is an ass. It's not your fault. Diabetes is an ass to everyone.