Sticky Situations

      Starting school with diabetes is much easier when the student is in high school. (shout out to all D-parents reading this, if any. It does get easier!!)
      The school nurse is great. I only see her once a day (which I hoped to get down to zero times a day this year unless there was a problem, but the rules in my school district are verrrry strict) and it's after lunch.
       When I started school as a freshman we had a meeting with the school nurse, her supervisor, the principal, both vice principals, and some other people. So they all, in theory, know I have diabetes. But let's be honest, I'm sure they have forgotten by now, two years later.
       My mom wrote letters to all my teachers my freshman year and when we went in for the meeting, we walked around to each teacher and gave them the letter and talked with them a little. Sophomore year my mom emailed all my teachers. I never had any problems either year. This year, my mom emailed all my new teachers. The nurse also sends out a email to all the teachers in the school with a list of students who have medical conditions so everyone is aware.
      So here's my problem: my dexcom.  All my teachers should know that I have diabetes. In my mom's email she stated how some of my devices look like cell phones, but they aren't, they're medical devices. Today, the second day of school, I set my dexcom to vibrate and put it in my purse, which I always have with me. I was low today and never noticed my dexcom for about an hour and a half  , and didn't feel low (hello, hypo-unawareness!). When I checked I ended up being in the 50's. Ouch. I don't know what to do with my dexcom. I can't put it in my pocket (not allowed and so bulky and uncomfortable) and leaving it in my purse on vibrate obviously won't work. I don't want to put it on loud or soft because I really don't want it to make any noise, or draw any attention to myself (remember, I am in high school...). I'm not worried about my teachers taking it from me or thinking it's a cell phone, because if that ever happened I would put them in their place right away (not in a mean way, but you know). I'm more worried about interrupting the class, teachers getting annoyed, other students getting annoyed, me getting annoyed and embarrassed.
      Does anyone have any similar experiences or any suggestions? I need to make sure I will notice it if I'm high or low, but I don't want it to cause any disruptions. Help!

Dexcom G4 Review

I've been using the Dexcom G4 for about a month now and I figured it was about time to write a review for fellow PWD. I've never had a CGM before so it was really exciting for me to get it. I'll break it down into pros and cons (pretty basic things).

Pros:

• Knowing which way my blood sugar is going. I love the arrows! They help me a lot when it comes to knowing if I should give more insulin, eat more, etc. 
• Trends. I've been able to download the data to the Dexcom software several times and each time I have found at least one place that needed some minor basal tweaking. I never would have found those spots if I didn't have a CGM.
• Accuracy. This thing is pretty darn accurate! Most of the time, at least. I have found that it is almost always accurate when I'm in range but not so accurate when I'm really high or really low. Which is to be expected and something I definitely knew was going to happen. 
• Size of the receiver. It's so small! It fits almost anywhere. I usually keep it in my back pocket or a small pocket in my purse.
• Sensors. It is only recommended that you wear the sensor for 7 days. Many people in the DOC wear them for much longer than this. (Not medical advice.) My first sensor lasted for 10 days and got pulled after hours of seeing ???. My third only for a week, because it just wasn't sticking. I'm on day 11 of my third sensor and it's still going strong. 

Cons:

• For some reason, I really don't like how, even if the sounds are set to "normal" or "attentive" if I'm high or low, the receiver first vibrates then alarms 5 minutes later. I would much rather it alarm the very first time, right when I go high or low. 
• The sensors don't seem to stick very well on me. By the end of the second or third day I need tape or IV3000 to make them stay on. It's worth it, but it's still annoying.

Other than that, I can't think of any specific cons right now. I'm sure there's more but I'm so distracted and tired! 

I hope this review was helpful. Let me know if you have any questions! :)

My Mom Does This Thing

         Whenever I'm at a doctor's office, or in a meeting, or just talking to someone when my mom is around she does this thing. Somehow diabetes gets brought up (doesn't it always?) and she just talks and talks and talks. As in, I can't even say one word about MY diabetes because she's talking about it so much. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. I know it just means she cares. But dang, is it annoying!
         Now, most of the time when we're at home, my mom and I don't really talk about diabetes. I'm in charge of it and she knows I'm doing pretty well. There's the occasional "Did you change your site today?" or "Is your blood sugar still high from earlier?" but that's about it. She doesn't know my basal rates, or my ISF, or my carb ratios, or that eating M&Ms makes me high for hours. Not that she doesn't care, she just leaves it up to me.
         That all changes when we're around other people. I don't know why. She just talks and talks and talks. Yesterday, we went to meet with the school nurse and take my supplies in. I was talking about my Dexcom (if you haven't heard, I named her Pixie) and then my mom just goes off on how it's great, and it shows trends, and blah blah blah. The nurse asked how long I keep my sensor on and I was about to answer when my mom said "oh, a few days!" I was about to say how it stays on a week, and probably longer, but my mom was already talking about something else diabetes-related.
        Should I be happy because this means she cares? Probably. But is this really annoying? Yes.


PS- I named my Dexcom Pixie and my pump Stix. Like Pixie Stix? Ha. Ha. Sugar. Someone please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this amusing. 

Exploding With Feelings

         I'm frustrated. With diabetes. With life. With everything.
         For the past month or so my blood sugars have been crazy high after eating, no matter what. And if I give more insulin I just go low later. It happens no matter what I eat. I have absolutely NO idea what to do. Any food suggestions that don't make your blood sugar high after eating?
          Ever since a few weeks ago my blood sugars have been crazy. My basal rates seem to need completely changed (which I haven't done because I don't even know where to start). I'm high then I go low and eat 10-15g and I'm back in the 200's. I don't understand! It's not for lack of trying, that's for sure. It seems like no matter what I do, I can't keep my blood sugar stable. I know that if things stay like this my A1C will be much higher than 6.5, even though I want it lower next time I get it tested. I start school in a couple weeks and I know I will need to make changed again then. Why can't things diabetes wise stay the same? There's always a need to change things and it's frustrating because it makes me feel like I can never get it right. But honestly, I never can get it right.
           I can't even finish this post without tears running down my cheeks. I'm frustrated with my life. My twin brother got his permit a couple weeks ago. I haven't because I'm still waiting for THAT letter from the MVA saying that I'm medically cleared to drive. Even though we filled out the paperwork, my doctor filled out the paperwork, we sent it in a month before, we have still not gotten that letter. My brother rubs it in my face every chance he gets, like I'm already not upset about it enough. It's not fair that diabetes is standing in the way of me getting my permit. It might not seem like a big deal, but it is. To me, it is. We already have a late birthday, and some people in our grade already have their license. It just is not fair.
            I haven't talked much about my dad on my blog. It's a long story. Over the past few weeks I've been becoming more and more angry and hurt that he chose alcohol over our family. He is just now trying to "fix" things, trying to get back in touch. He says he's sober, but who knows? It upsets me when I know my mom is struggling to make ends meet and he doesn't even have a job, and doesn't pay child support. Actually, he just started paying child support even though he's been supposed to for years. I don't think he realizes how much he's hurt us. He was drunk the whole time, he probably doesn't even remember half the things he said and did. My mom blames him for herself becoming an alcoholic. Do you know what it's like having two alcoholic parents? Well, it sucks. More than words can explain, it sucks. (My mom has been sober for a few months, but still, having the memories of all the bad is overwhelming and depressing. Like I've said before, my older sister is my hero.)
           I'm frustrated, angry, upset, depressed, and have absolutely nowhere to turn. My best friend moved half way across the country at the beginning of summer. I miss her so much. I miss the nights we would just talk. She knew everything about my life and I knew everything about hers. We still talk, but it's just not the same. I need her here. I want her hugs and just to talk to her.
         What it comes down to is that life isn't fair. It never will be. I know it will just get worse once school starts again. And besides, it has to get worse before it gets better. I'll try to survive and make the best of life, that's what I've done so far. But sometimes things get to me. Sometimes, I'm not as strong as I seem. Sometimes. I'm not okay.
       Things will get better. 

Not Normal

Having diabetes isn't normal. It's rare. (Is it?) I've met all the people on the internet that have it, and a few in real life.
I'm sitting in my bed on a Sunday evening on my computer, mindlessly watching a show on Netflix. My CGM alarms. Low. Okay, so I eat some graham crackers and peanut butter. Then I start thinking, that's not normal. It's not normal to worry all the time about what my blood sugar is, if what I ate for lunch will make my blood sugar high, if I'll feel sick later today or tomorrow. None of it is normal. It's not normal to have an "external box with tubing and a cannula" (in words of my surgeon) on me all the time. It's not normal to have another computer like chip attached to me all the time to tell me if my blood sugar is high or low. Most kids probably wouldn't even know what the words "blood sugar" and "insulin" mean.
It's not that I'm upset that I'm not normal. Nobody is normal. What even is normal? It's just that I'm still learning how to cope. How to be okay with the fact that I'll probably never be okay, health wise. I'm still learning to cope with the carb counting, the finger sticks, the shots. I've had diabetes for almost five years. And I still don't know if I'll ever be okay with it, if I'll accept it, if I can cope with it. This post is scattered and probably doesn't make sense to anybody else but me. I don't know how to make my thoughts make sense to other people.
Nothing about diabetes is normal, yet I'm still doing. We're still doing it. I shouldn't have to do it, but I do. And I'll just keep doing it, keep not being normal until the day there finally is a cure. Because that day really will come.

Friday Fives: Trip to Philly

My mom and I just got back from a trip to Philly, where we attended the DSMA Live event (see my last post), and did lots of tourist-y stuff.

1. Parking in Philly is IMPOSSIBLE. We expected it to be bad, but come on! It took us 45 minutes once just to find a parking place, half a mile from where we were going! Ridiculous. Not to mention the small fortune we had to pay each time...
2. We stay in a hotel in Crowne Plaza that was nice. The only two complaints we had was the music in the room next to us was so loud that we couldn't sleep (not the hotel's fault, but still), and when we came back to our hotel on Thursday the maid had been there, but there weren't any towels. It took us two hours to actually get towels so we could shower. 
3. We went to the Mutter Museum and it was awesome! It was a little creepy, but still really cool. I bought a shirt at the gift shop as a souvenir.  
4. We also went on a walking ghost tour of Philly. We did not see any ghosts.... what a shame.
5. My site got ripped out of my leg on Thursday night. I didn't notice that or that my blood sugar was high until we got to TGI Fridays for dinner. I freaked out a little (okay, a lot) when I looked at the menu and saw the turkey burger I just ordered with fries had 93g of carbs. *gasp* I didn't eat all of it or all the fries. I changed my site when we got home and gave more insulin... just to be in the 40's later that night. I can never win.

Overall, it was a great trip. I loved spending time with just my mom. We left my brothers at home (ha!). I loved going to the DSMA event and meeting everyone. (See also: DSMA Live Meet-Up)
Have a great weekend! :)

DSMA Live Meet-Up

My mom and I traveled four hours to Philadelphia on Wednesday to attend the DSMA Live event. I was nervous and excited at the same time. It would be the first time I would meet any D friends in real life, and I knew I would be shy. I'm always shy at things like this, even if I try not to be.
We got to Philadelphia around 5, checked into our hotel, and then headed to the meet-up. Or so we thought. We got lost... 3 times. And how the heck are you supposed to find parking in this city? (besides paying 29 dollars for it) It was both our second times being in Philly, and our first time together. We knew it was going to be interesting. We finally found where we were supposed to be, and signed in. And my mom was just starving so we headed to the food table. Then we found seats and ate for a few minutes. As I looked around I saw so many people who I knew but I doubt they knew who I was. My mom kept telling me to go introduce myself to people but I. Am. So. Shy. (Sorry to anybody I didn't get to meet. Next time for sure! I'll be less shy!)
A few people did introduce themselves and were super nice. Once the twitter chat started it was great, and I loved hearing everybody's responses in the room. After it was over, my mom and I introduced ourselves to Cherise and she already knew who we were. It was great to talk to her, and she loved that we came. I hope she gets in touch like she said she would! I also loved meeting Allison and Stephen :)
I'm really hoping to go to more of these things and meet even more people. I'm thankful to my mom for taking me, and I think she really learned a lot from it.
Overall, it was a great experience and I'm glad I got to go! Can't wait for more events like this one!