Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Time Will Tell

Being half way through my junior year of high school, I've been thinking about my future a lot. This summer I'll be touring colleges, applying to colleges, and deciding (hopefully) on a major for college. All before I even start my senior year. Whaaaat? When did I grow up?
Thinking about the future is scary. 
I live in a town that has a college in it, and many people end up going there once they graduate. That being said, none of my siblings (I have four that are in college/have graduated from college) have gone there. We've always been a family that is intelligent and people often look down on people who stay here to go to college (we live in a very small town). 
So, the point is, I've grown up thinking I would go away for college. Until a few months ago, I could not wait to get out of my town and go away to college. 
And then I started thinking. How was I going to do it? College is going to be hard to adjust to- diabetes wise. I'm absolutely positive my blood sugars will not be good considering high school hasn't been all that great blood sugar wise (stress, tests, the works). Being responsible for getting my prescriptions on time, making sure I don't run out of anything, all my doctor's appointments, on top of normal college things? Whoa. I'm stressed out just thinking about it. And I wouldn't even be near ANY of my family or my mom or anybody I know. My older siblings tell me over and over again how stressful college is and how hard it will be-but it will be worth it. And I believe that. It will be worth it. 
So my question is, do I go away to college and get the typical college experience, live in the dorm and all? Or do I stay here, play it safe, and put my health first? I still have a while to decide. But I need to think about it. Only time will tell what the right decision is for me. I know I could handle going away and I know in the end I would be just fine. But at the same time somewhere deep down inside I'm screaming to myself, don't go! Stay home! It'll be easier! It'll be healthier! You'll be happier! But will I? 
I'm confused about the future. I'm scared about the future. I'm angry that I even have to think about how diabetes will affect my future.
 What would you do? Do you have any wise words of wisdom?

2 comments:

  1. Please forgive the lateness...I've been wanting to comment for a long time, but didn't have the time to sit down and type out a response until now.

    I don't want to tell you what to do, but I think you should make your decisions based on the "knowns" and not a fear of the "unknowns".

    My own experience -- I went away to school in the next state, about an hour and a half drive from home. Like you, I couldn't wait to get out of the house and be independent.

    Diabetes-wise, I never ran out of supplies or prescriptions - there was a small independent pharmacy a block off campus that was really used to working with students and billing the parents. Catering to a college-crowd means they understand the clientele, their needs, and their (sometimes absent-minded) tendencies, and they take care of you.

    In hindsight, my blood sugars, A1cs, and overall health, were probably not that good. A mix of freedom, all-you-can-eat cafeteria food (a mixed blessing), and an introduction to alcohol and "the college life" all played a role. On the other hand, I had to walk to all my classes, walk to the supermarket, and walk back to my dorm -- surely a lot more exercise than if I had a car or stayed local. For the record, I don't remember any serious (911-grade) lows, but did have my share of 400-range highs.

    Weekends were a challenge. The "meal plan" had three meals a day Monday through Friday, but only lunch and dinner on Saturday and Sunday. This wasn't particularly compatible with my regular-and-NPH regimen which required scheduled meals, so I played some games with my insulin and food to make it work (sometimes preparing my own breakfast, sometimes taking my breakfast dose at lunch and skipping my evening dose). I didn't understand the concept of bolus and basal, or the purpose of NPH at the time, so it was rough. I also didn't talk to anyone about diabetes nor know anyone else with it. Surely, you're smarter than I am and have better tools and insulin than I did.

    The Internet and the web just started to become popular during my Junior year. Again, different time and different circumstance, and if you choose to go away, access to advice and information will be much easier.

    I sometimes wonder how, but I made it, and I'm that much better off now because of it. I would've had to learn to manage diabetes on my own at some point anyway, but at least I didn't have to worry about things like insurance (parents took care of that), where my meals and shelter came from (college took care of that), and what to do in case of emergency (RAs in the dorms, health center on campus, and campus police were always there). And, as I said, my parents were just 90 minutes away if I really needed them -- which I never did.

    That's my experience - just some random memories. Diabetes really played no role whatsoever in the school I chose. If I had to do it again, with the knowledge (and especially the tools!) I have know, I'd have done some things differently, but I would not have chosen a different school. And though I love my parents, I was glad to get out of the confines and the constant looking-over-my-shoulder that comes with living in their home.

    Hope this helps!

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  2. Plan, plan, plan.

    I worked at various colleges for almost 10 years and I was diagnosed with diabetes IN college.

    I went to college a short distance away from home. I lived on campus but was close enough that I could go home on weekends if I wanted to.

    The reason I mentioned working at colleges is because there are people whose specific job it is to make sure you are successful. Whether that means making sure you are comfortable in your housing, getting carb counts in the dining hall, making sure your class schedule works with your diabetes life... I promise that there are people there to make sure you are safe.

    You and your family can work out the details of the rest. Write with sharpie on one of the boxes of supplies that it is your last box. When you open your last box of pens, syringes, pump supplies you will be reminded to call home and they can reorder it for you.

    I guess what I am trying to say is don't let diabetes stop you from going to the college you want to go to!

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