Time Will Tell

Being half way through my junior year of high school, I've been thinking about my future a lot. This summer I'll be touring colleges, applying to colleges, and deciding (hopefully) on a major for college. All before I even start my senior year. Whaaaat? When did I grow up?

Thinking about the future is scary. 

I live in a town that has a college in it, and many people end up going there once they graduate. That being said, none of my siblings (I have four that are in college/have graduated from college) have gone there. We've always been a family that is intelligent and people often look down on people who stay here to go to college (we live in a very small town). 

So, the point is, I've grown up thinking I would go away for college. Until a few months ago, I could not wait to get out of my town and go away to college. 

And then I started thinking. How was I going to do it? College is going to be hard to adjust to- diabetes wise. I'm absolutely positive my blood sugars will not be good considering high school hasn't been all that great blood sugar wise (stress, tests, the works). Being responsible for getting my prescriptions on time, making sure I don't run out of anything, all my doctor's appointments, on top of normal college things? Whoa. I'm stressed out just thinking about it. And I wouldn't even be near ANY of my family or my mom or anybody I know. My older siblings tell me over and over again how stressful college is and how hard it will be-but it will be worth it. And I believe that. It will be worth it. 

So my question is, do I go away to college and get the typical college experience, live in the dorm and all? Or do I stay here, play it safe, and put my health first? I still have a while to decide. But I need to think about it. Only time will tell what the right decision is for me. I know I could handle going away and I know in the end I would be just fine. But at the same time somewhere deep down inside I'm screaming to myself, don't go! Stay home! It'll be easier! It'll be healthier! You'll be happier! But will I? 

I'm confused about the future. I'm scared about the future. I'm angry that I even have to think about how diabetes will affect my future.

 What would you do? Do you have any wise words of wisdom?

Friday Fives: First of 2014

It's 2014. What?! How did that happen? 2015 is the year I graduate from high school! And it's already 2014?!
Here's what's been going on in my life.

1. Diabetes and being a teenager is hard. It's not impossible. But it sure does take a lot out of you. I'm realizing this more and more, the more busy my life becomes.
2. 2014 means the program that used to cover our (ridiculously expensive) co-pays for diabetes supplies no longer exists. Sigh.
3. For Christmas "Santa" bought me a baking class (I LOVE baking!) that starts soon and I am so excited! (But a little stressed about how it will fit into my schedule.)
4. I'm on the Mock Trial team for my school. Which is a team that gets a made up court case every year, picks attorneys and witnesses and goes up against other high school students in a real court room. I am not at all interested in being a lawyer or anything of the sort when I get older but it looks good on college applications (hehe). I am a witness this year and our first trial is January 7th. I am nervous because I've barely had time to memorize my affidavit. (Not to mention, how the heck are my blood sugars going to react while I'm on the witness stand?!)
5. My blood sugars have been absolutely insane. I have no idea why. Christmas break? I feel defeated because every time I look at my Dexcom or meter. All I can think it "HOW?!" I've changed basal rates and insulin to carb ratios and insulin sensitivity factors and still nothing. I'm going to give it another week since next week is a full school week. After that if my number are still crazy, I'll have to email my CDE. I'm completely exhausted!

That's all about my life for now. We had off school today because of the snow and the temperature here. So I'm going to enjoy my day off and start reading the book I've had checked out of the library for two weeks. (Oops.)
Have a good weekend everyone!